James The Very (Un)Successful Matchmaker!
by HelloI'mOz
Summary: Sirius loves Remus and Remus loves Sirius back. It's perfect. Except for that little flaw in the system when neither wants to tell. It looks like their whole relationship depends on James. RLSB SLASH!
1. Prologue

**Warning: This is a slash fic which means two people of the same gender. That is, if I was correctly informed it does. So don't read if you don't support being gay or think it's "unnatural". Also, please don't flame because of the two men. Be accepting. Thank you. **

**Prologue**

The marauders were sitting in the common room enjoying the food James and Sirius had smuggled from the kitchen. Well, more like asked the elves in the kitchen for politely. Those elves really are fond of James.

The common room was empty seeing as it was midnight and classes were tomorrow. Remus was the first to finish what he'd been eating (chocolate, of course) and therefore decided he would go up to bed. He told the others of this and Peter joined him.

Sirius downed the rest of his fire whiskey and joined the line of sixth year boys heading up to the dormitories. James was just finishing up when he heard a voice.

"Psst! James!" The voice whispered. This startled James greatly as the common room was seemingly empty.

"Who and where are you?" James asked. The voice couldn't blame him for the slight tremble in his voice when he spoke, it would have startled the voice too.

"I'm Oz and I'm in a different world. In a world full of muffles with no magical people where we write of people like yourself to entertain." The voice explained. No wizards or magical folk of any kind?! That sounds terrible!

"I'm sorry for you." James said.

"As am I .

Suddenly James realized he was speaking to a random voice going by the name of Oz. The voice should have an excuse for startling him. And a very good one as no one startles James.

"Why are you talking to me?" James said.

"I need your help. I would do it myself but you see, I can't control anything in your world." The voice replied.

"What do you need my help with?" James said excitedly. He's always up for a challenge.

"Sirius and Remus are in love but refuse to admit it to each other. I need you to set them up." "Oz" said. James was very puzzled at hearing this.

"Of course they weren't in love!" James thought, then realized Oz might be right. It sure would explain why they stare at each other when they think no one is looking. And how they always give each other the look James gives Lily.

"How did I not realize this before!" James shouted.

"Hush! You'll wake up all of Gryffindor shouting that loud!" Oz said, only to be ignored by the now determined James.

"I swear on my love for Lily that I will get those two together! No matter how many elaborate plans I have to make! No matter how long it takes! No matter how many hearts it breaks! I'm calling it Operation Poony!" James shouts.

A certain red headed prefect comes out in her pajama shorts and tank top.

"Shut it, Potter! You've waken everybody up! Stop shouting about whatever the h**l you're shouting about!" Lily Evans screamed. James blushed a little.

"Sorry Lilykins!" James shouted back. Lily was far too tired to hex Potter at the moment so instead she made a mental note to do it first thing tomorrow morning.

Once Lily left, James started whispering.

"I promise I will! I won't let you down random voice in the common room!" James then ran upstairs to get some sleep for the next day. It was going to be a very important day, after all, it was phase one of Operation Poony.

* * *

**Hello! This is my first fic for the Harry Potter fandom ever! Reviews are greatly appreciated! I'm not writing this for reviews though, I'm writing this because I love this slash and I wanted to try a RLSB fic out. **

**I like to think of my readers as family so I should probably introduce myself. Hello, I'm Oz! I enjoy writing and this is the fifth fanfiction that I want to continue with so I'm not deleting it. I have started writing many more fanfics than just the ones I'm keeping, but most were deleted for pretty good reasons. Some because they were awful most because I couldn't handle as many stories as I had up at once, and a few were accidentally deleted. I have three Divergent fics up, so if you've read that series go check them out! Even if you haven't all except for Worth It don't have any spoilers, just the characters. **

**Well, thank you for reading this. I hope you enjoy it! :)**


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

The next morning James awoke earlier than the other three boys in his dormitory. James had yet to complete his plan. He only had two things decided about it so far: That it would involve Ms. Evans (Her and Remus were friends, so she'd definitely want to help. Plus James would get to spend time with her.) and that it would end with Remus and Sirius as a couple.

James pulled out the piece of parchment on which he was writing the plan. It had the same spell where you have to say the code as the Marauders Map, so unwanted eyes don't see the plan.

"Let Operation Poony commence!" James whispered. He panicked for a second when Remus rolled over. Then he realized that Remus, as well as the rest of his dorm mates, was asleep. Or so he thought.

"James! What're you doing?" An overly excited voice asked. Of course. Peter.

"Oh, um, nothing?" James said while "causally" leaning over the piece of parchment.

"You're lying. What're you leaning on?" Maybe they should give Peter a little more credit. Nah. James is just a terrible liar.

James sighed in defeat. He stood up to show Peter the parchment. Peters eyes scanned over the parchment. It didn't take him too long considering there were only to full sentences.

"Poony? Moony and-" James shushed Peter quickly. He didn't want the two to overhear.

"Yes. I'm guessing that now I'm going to have to let you help?" James said in what could only be described as disappointment. He was hoping it would just be him and Lily.

"Yup." Peter said in a gleeful tone. He was finally going to help with something important! Well, important for the marauders.

_\- Time Skip - _

Remus woke up only to realize that, for once on a blue moon (Ah, Remus puns.), he wasn't the first to wake up. He was the third, seeing as neither James nor Peter was in their beds. Sirius, however, was still sleeping.

"He probably would be for the next fifteen minutes," Remus thought. Remus always watched Sirius sleep. Not in a creepy, stalker way, but in a loving way. He loved how peaceful and quiet Sirius was.

"The only thing that could make it better," Remus thought, "was if I was with him." (AN: Please don't take that in a dirty way. That was as innocent as sharing a bed with your best friend. Well, you know, if you and your best friend liked one another that way.)

Okay, so maybe Remus sort of had a teensy, weensy, HUGE crush on Sirius. But he would never tell Sirius. Oh no, of course not. Remus' self esteem was already low enough without being rejected by the guy of his dreams. That would not only break his heart, but his friendship with the marauders as well.

Remus could picture exactly how it would happen. Remus would tell Sirius he liked him, Sirius would be freaked out that Remus likes guys (more specifically, him) and would James who would take Sirius' side and Peter, who'll do anything James does, will join them. Remus would be kicked out of the marauders and left practically friendless. The only friend Remus has outside of the marauders is Lily, and she's sure to fall for James one of these days.

Remus would be friendless and alone. He always knew he'd never make it in life due to his "time of the month" anyways. He always thought that maybe some friends would help a little. That's why he agreed to join the marauders in the first place.

_\- Flashback -_

Remus had just been sorted into Gryffindor, the house that Dumbledore was in. Remus was very happy about this because, even as an 11 year old, Remus knew that he most likely wouldn't have gone to school if Dumbledore wasn't so kind.

He followed the Gryffindor prefect up to the dormitories. He found his stuff in First Year Dormitory A, along with three other boys. These boys were already chatting and laughing with each other. Remus pulled out a book and read quietly on his bed. His mother said to try and stay unnoticed and fly under the radar. Put studies first.

Unfortunately for Remus (or possibly fortunately, depending on how you look at it), one of the boys noticed Remus in his bed. The boy, who had long, shaggy, black hair whispered his discovery to the other two. They decided to sneak up on their roommate and scare him. This became the first of the marauders many pranks and plans.

The three boys were relatively quiet and might not have been discovered if it weren't for Remus' werewolf hearing. Remus could hear floorboards creaking softly and feet pattering against the wooden floor. He assumed they were trying to sneak up on him and decided he should act. Remus hid behind one of the curtains that would hide him from their view. That is if they were coming form where he thought they were.

Sure enough, the three boys pulled aside the red draping a to find no one. Though they would never admit it, they were pretty freaked out.

Suddenly a boy popped out of seemingly no where and yelled boo. The other boys screamed so loud that people in the common room could hear them. Remus started cracking up as well as the boy with the shaggy hair. The other two looked very mad though.

"I'm Sirius! This is James and Peter!" The boy with the shaggy hair said as he extended his hand. Remus shook it.

"I'm Remus."

_\- Back To The Present -_

Then again, maybe it'd be good to not have friends. His mom always disliked the marauders, and she only wishes the best for Remus. Right? Hopefully. It'd really suck if Remus had no friends, no family, and was a werewolf. How Sirius lives knowing his whole family hates him is beyond Remus.

"How did this whole mental 'conversation' end back at Sirius?" Remus wondered. Speaking of Sirius, Padfoot bounded up to Remus' bed. Remus was lost in thout and didn't notice the big black dog until it landed on hi and started licking his face. Remus chuckled a little. The dogs tongue brushed the boys mouth but it didn't occur to Remus that his crush just kissed him. It would have made things a lot simpler if it did.

Sirius stopped licking and transformed back into his usual, human self. He,quickly pinned Remus down. Remus grinned at the unspoken challenge. Now he might be short and sort of scrawny looking, but he was a werewolf. Remus easily flipped Sirius over and suddenly to positions were reversed.

"It seems that the tables are turned," Remus said.

"Everything isn't always as it seems," replied Sirius. Remus raised an eyebrow quizzically before there was no longer a boy beneath him but a dog. The dog easily slipped out of the small boys grasp and crawled beneath him. Remus was stuck on top of the dog. Sirius then changed back. Remus fell with an "oof".

James walked in on the two in a pile on Remus' bed.

"You two lovebirds might want to get ready. We do have classes today." James said without realizing he called the pair lovebirds. Remus blushed profusely and jumped away from Sirius. Sirius grinned in a nervous way.

"Oh shut up James, you great, big prat!" Sirius said while throwing a pillow at the so called prat.

"Where would you get the idea that Sirius and I like each other?" Remus asked in a shocked manner. Sirius felt a little hope dissolve as those words tumbled out of Remus' mouth.

James looked between the two. He grinned. He started laughing really hard. So hard that he clutched his stomach, fell on the ground, and then proceeded to roll while laughing.

Remus and Sirius were horrified that James knew about their secret crush. Both quickly recovered and remembered their seemingly mad friend who looked was having a spasm of laughing.

"I think he's cracking up," said Sirius.

"I think you're right," Remus agreed.

After about a minute more of this James stood up and stopped laughing.

"What were we talking about?" he asked.

"How Remus and I definitely don't like each other that way." Sirius responded. Remus wanted to smack Sirius for bringing the subject back up. James nodded. A pregnant silence ensued.

"Sirius, may I talk to you privately?" James asked. This was the first step to the plan Peter and he devised. While James confronted Sirius, the rat (there is simply no nice way to phrase that) would talk to Remus.

The werewolf left the room leaving James and Sirius.

"What is it Prongs?" Sirius asked nervously. James was his best friend, he knew that this had something to do with what they were discussing.

"Padfoot, you're my best friend. You know you can tell me anything, right?" Sirius nodded.

"Do you like Moony?" James decided he should at least ask before accusing him of like their other best friend.

"Maybe..."

"Padfoot, I know you do. In fact, I think you love him." James stated boldly. Sirius, for the first time in his life, was at a loss for words.

"What?" Sirius finally sputtered out, "Was I that obvious?!"

"Um, sort of," his best friend responded. Sirius groaned and put his head in his hands.

"Moony's going to hate me!"

"Well..."

"Absolutely hate me!"

"Sirius if you jus-"

"He's never going to speak to me again!"

"SIRIUS! Calm down," James said, "You don't know if he likes you back or not."

"Yes I do! He's completely straight!" Sirius whined.

"Which is exactly why he came out as bi last year," said James, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

Sirius raised an eyebrow at this. Wouldn't he have noticed if his best friend and crush came out? Wait, wasn't that the day when Jim fell in the toilet? That's right! Remus was saying something!

"Don't tell me you don't remember?" The other boy asked.

"Yeah I do. It's the day you fell in the loo," James smacked his head with his hand at this.

"That's how your remember it? You big idiot! No wonder you and Remus aren't together yet!" Sirius snapped out of his giggly mood as soon as this came out of his friends mouth.

"Can we stop this bloody interrogation already?" Sirius said, turning suddenly cold. James, realizing he messed up, just let the other boy leave.

"Well, that was a bit of a failure," said the last boy in the dormitories to absolutely no one.

* * *

**Yay! I'm back! Sorry, this week I spent a lot of time at the pool and then there was youtube... Yup. That's literally the story of my life. "Sorry, I meant to but fanfiction. And then there's youtube." I then get up and walk away. the next chapter is about how you never see me again because I'm a victim of the internees addictiveness. There needs to be rehab for the internet. **

**I like this story a lot so far and I'm having a lot of fun writing it, I hope you guys enjoy reading it! So yeah, thats it. I think...**

**Yup! Bye! :)**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It was quite a dark night.

Remus was having a hard time sleeping as it was the night before the full moon. He could hear people whispering in the common room thanks to his werewolf hearing. He couldn't, however, make out what they were saying.

He would alternate between staring at the ceiling doing nothing, straining**H** to make out what the whispers are saying, and staring at the two empty beds in the dorm wondering what they were doing downstairs, in the middle of the night, whispering. Sometimes he would throw in a glance full of dread at the almost-full moon.

Remus couldn't take it anymore. He was driving himself insane. He was going to go downstairs and, as a prefect should, tell them that they need to go to bed. Plus, it's definitely James and Peter, so they won't get too mad at him.

He quietly got out of his bed trying not to alert the whisperers. He opens the door to the dormitory and see three figures sitting next to the fire with their backs to him. Two, as Remus suspected, are James and Peter.

The other figure is one that makes Remus rub his eyes. Surely she wouldn't be down here, late at night, with those two. Unless she came down to scold them. Or they took her hostage. Remus decides throws caution to the wind and sprints down the steps in order to save Lily.

He runs over to where they're sitting and peers down at them. They're holding a parchment. Remus cant see what it says before it starts flashing red and screeches. James turns around quickly and sees Remus' head peering down at them.

Peter and Lily also turn around after saying a spell and tapping the parchment.

"Hello, Remus," Lily greets him. Remus raises an eyebrow silently asking if she's okay. She nods.

"It's late and you three should be in bed," he states. James' skin completion is remarkably similar to Nearly Headless Nick's at this point. If only he were a little more transparent.

"You okay, James?" Peter asks followed by a quick nod. The blonde boy shrugs it off, even though he is secretly irked by James' obvious manner.

"Bed, now." Remus commands. They all get up and follow him to the steps leading upstairs to the dorms. Lily turns to go into the girls dorms area while the three marauders go straight.

As soon as the door to the dorm closes Remus jumps on the bed, determined to get a good nights rest before the full moon the next day.

Remus sat, bored out of his mind, tired, and emotional in history of magic. Remus already knew everything Binns was saying because he had to read ahead for "that time of the month" when he missed school. He was trying to occupy himself with his thoughts but they kept drifting back to one thing. Well, more like one person.

Remus sighs quietly as he stared at the back of one of his best mates head. Never before has Remus seen something so ordinary look so perfect. Though Sirius' face looked much better than the back of his head, Remus didn't count that as ordinary because it was obvious that Sirius' face was blessed by something. Perhaps Aphrodite, or maybe Venus?

Meanwhile the boy in front of Remus was thinking quite similar thoughts. He had an urge to turn back around just stare at the other boys face for hours, but unfortunately he Sirius knew he could not do that, for Remus would forbid him to.

Sirius loved everything about Remus' face. His beautiful golden and amber eyes, that would occasionally darken to almost black when he was furious. His smile, which was always accompanied by his adorable little dimples. His scars that Remus hates but Sirius thinks are absolutely awesome and show how strong Remus is. And his lips. Sirius has wasted so many days and nights thinking about those lips. Mostly when he was away from Remus, mind you, when he was with him Sirius was too busy trying to get the boy to open those lips into a smile.

Sirius hardly noticed everyone packing up around him until James poked him for a third time. Sirius looked up into the messy haired boys face.

"Hey, class is over!" James grinned. Sirius was still a little angry with him about the whole interrogation thing but gave a small smile and got up anyways.

"What were you thinking about?" James prodded.

"Pranks." Sirius lied. Usually this would have thrown the questioner off but James is always an exception to "usually".

"What were you really thinking about? You got the look on your face that I get when I think about Lily." Sirius glared at the other boy.

"You already know then."

Sirius walked ahead of James and quickened his pace every time James tried to catch up. Eventually Sirius was sprinting down the corridors and James was just behind him. Sirius let out a laugh, forgetting why he was even sprinting but loving the feeling of the slight breeze that running so fast created. He closed his eyes for a second before feeling a dull pain in his gut and head.

Sirius opens his eyes to discover he was laying onto of a ruffled looking Remus Lupin while James and Lily stood above them trying not to laugh. He glared at the two, almost forgetting where he was. Then he had a stroke of brilliance and realized that he was on top of Remus J. Lupin, the sexiest werewolf to ever ever bless Hogwarts with his presence.

Sirius almost kisses the taller boy on the spot. But unfortunately a foot jabs his side, reminding him that now is not the time. The foot belongs to an especially smug Snivellus, who is laughing in a malicious way.

"So it's true then that he isn't only a dirty dog, but a f*g too? Next thing you know he'll be going after Potter over here. Black always did have a thing for freak," he sneered. Sirius almost hexed his nose off right there, simply for referring to both James and Remus as freaks.

"Sorry, Snivellus, it was a nice try! I always knew you wanted me but I have to say, I'd never thought you were clever enough to try and trick me into thinking you're my type! I'm currently interested in someone else, though. E for effort!" Sirius shouted, before grabbing Remus's hand and running. The tawny haired boy laughed a little, stumbling along after his friend.

When they arrived at the common room both collapsed onto the same couch. Sirius turned his head to see Remus grinning at him.

"That was awesome, Siri," the taller boy commented. Sirius smiled and leaned his head against the shoulder that was almost parallel with his face.

"I know it was. I'm awesome, and so are you, Reme." Sirius said, feeling absolutely content in that moment. There was only one thing that could make it better. If only Remus just leaned his head down a little while Sirius lifted his head up just the tiniest bit and their lips met...

James burst into the room, running frantically past the two boys and up into the dormitories. Sirius and Remus payed him no mind, that was an often occurrence with his obsession with Lily and all, usually involving him pissing her off in some way and then taking cover from her wrath.

Speaking of the red-head, she stormed into the room soon after, looking ready to murder. Sirius immediately ran upstairs to James, hiding from the "she-devil". Remus did quite the opposite and walked cooly over to her.

"Ugh, I can't believe him!" she shouted, hexing a pillow into a pile of ash, then reconfiguring it and repeating. The werewolf sighed. His nerves were already far too frayed for any of this, seeing as it was the full moon.

"Lils, I swear Prongs is a good gu-"

"Not him!" Remus was stunned into silence just then. Normally the only thing Lily complained about was James and how insufferable he was, and Remus would always argue against it saying that the boy had a "good heart".

"Who's bothering you then?" the tawny-haired boy asked. She sighed in a way that was somewhere between angry and broken and plopped herself onto a chair.

"Severus is. I don't know what's gotten into him! He's usually so nice and charming but lately he's been such a... prat." Lily's head fell into her hands as she said this. "Honestly, he called me a-a-a mu-mud-d-d-blo-o-o-o-d-d!" Her shoulders started to shake as she cried. Remus wanted to sit down and cry with her do to his over ride of emotions during "that time of the month" but he instead sucked it up and gave her a hug. She looked back up at him and gave a weak smile.

"Lily, you know I'll always be there for you. And if someone is really bothering you- besides James, of course- who knows? They might end up with a little sleeping potion in their tea." The girl sniffled and chuckled at that, and cuddled into her best friend's side.

"Rem, can I ask you something?" Remus couldn't deny here anything at this point. He always thought of Lily as if she were a sister, and he would give her the moon if she asked. He was bi, sure, but he never felt anything but platonic feelings towards Lily.

"Sure, Lils, ask away." She sucked in a particularly wavy breath.

"Do you... like anyone?" Remus turned to her, aghast. She looked sort of uncomfortable, a light blush covering her cheeks, but was still snuggled up to him. He felt the urge to shove her off and run screaming but he forced himself to sit still and answer the question.

"Yes, yes I do. But, Lily, it isn't you. I'm sorry, I really want to keep our friendsh-" Lily cut him off with a laugh and a light, playful slap on his face. He shut up, slightly confused now but understanding that awoken had just as random mood swings on their "times of the month" as he did.

"No, silly, I don't like you. But I think I know who does!" He gave her an odd look. No one liked him. He was the freak who disappeared every month for a few days, no one even glanced his direction. Most Hogwarts students couldn't tell who he was by name, and the ones who could identified him as "that nerd who hangs out with James and Sirius". He knew he wasn't good looking, or "cool" by normal standards. Suddenly he felt a rush of self-pity, his usual depressing thoughts amplified by his frayed nerves.

"Lils, are you okay? You're talking nonsense again? Did Severus do something to you?" Remus asked, concerned. She snorted and leaned in really close to his face, making the werewolf even more concerned for her mental state.

"Rem, who do you like?"

Remus hesitated. She acted as if she were drunk, maybe she was given a potion from Severus, or maybe she was just giddy. Should he really tell her? If she were drunk then she probably wouldn't remember tomorrow, so no harm is really done, right? He sighed and decided to tell her, knowing he'd argue himself insane if he thought any more about it.

"I... Lily, you have to promise not to hate me?"

"Is it James?! Because if so I swear to go-"

"No! Of course not! He's my mate! And, Lils, I knew you liked him. You've had dibs on him for a while," Remus concluded with a smirk, while Lily's face color started to match her hair.

"I most certainly do not like him! I just- hey! You're avoiding my question! Remus, now is not the time to be a sneaky arse!" she shouted. The werewolf's grin faltered and he struggled to breathe for a little.

"I... I like... Sirius," he just barely whispered. Lily heard him loud and clear though. And she immediately squealed and hugged the now-flabbergasted teenager boy.

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! You and him will be so adorable together! And I'm sure they'll make a spell or potion for two men to have children so there will be little Remus' running around! Granted, they'll have some of Black in them too but, hey, you win some, you lose some," she ranted in a comically high voice, still clutching onto the baffled boy.

"Uh, Lils? Sirius is straight. And even if he weren't, he wouldn't like me. I'm not exactly his type..." Remus' whole mood turned downcast at the words escaping his lips. He truly hoped, even believed, for a moment that Sirius might like him back. But his insecurities started speaking for him and they managed to convince him otherwise. He was answered with a snort.

"Of course you're his type! Haven't you noticed he always goes for blondes?"

"I'm not a blonde, Lily."

"But you might as well be one! The color of your hair has the same appeal of blonde hair! And the people he normally goes for have light brown eyes!"

"And that proves...?"

"You have light brown eyes! And he likes tough girls!" Lily shouted, trying to encourage the insecure boy across from her, before realizing her mistake. "Oh, Remus, you know I meant just people in general." The _tawny_-haired,_ amber_-eyed boy got up and started walking away.

"I'm sorry, Lily, I should be studying so I can hopefully get a good job and not starve in the future. Then, maybe once my life is stable, I'll give him a try," Remus spat in his polite, passive-aggressive manner.

Lily groaned as she watched the receding form of a royally ticked werewolf, who would probably forgive her in a few days or so and would refuse to speak until then. She threw her head into her hands when Sirius approached from behind and asked what she did to piss him off so much.


End file.
